I have a confession. I love Nathan Fillion. The first time I saw him as Captain Malcolm Reynolds on Joss Whedon’s Firefly, I fell head over heels. My love for Fillion even made me watch Slither, despite my overwhelming hatred of gross-out horror movies (the laughs completely outweighed the gross-outs, and trust me, there were a lot of gross-outs).

So I was looking forward to seeing Adrienne Shelly’s Waitress if only for my beloved Nathan. I never watched Felicity, star Keri Russell’s most famous project; it kind of seems like a crime for a woman in her mid-late twenties to have never watched that show, doesn’t it? I went into this film with a pretty open mind, expecting only another good performance from Fillion.

I was impressed. It’s not the jump-up-in-my-seat kind of impressed; more like a quiet, contemplative kind of feeling. It’s pretty much impossible not to empathize with Russell’s Jenna, an abused waitress saddled with a pathetic husband and an unwanted pregnancy. Jenna’s joy in life is baking; she creates the most amazing, creatively-named pies as a form of escapism. Her other form of escapism is the affair she begins with her slightly-neurotic OB-GYN, Dr. Pomatter (played to the stammering, charming T by Fillion). The supporting actors are all subtle and believable, from Jeremy Sisto as Jenna’s asshole of a husband to director Shelly as the love-starved Dawn.

Despite Jenna’s sweet pies, the film is suffused with bittersweetness. Jenna, Dr. Pomatter, Jenna’s fellow waitresses, and Old Joe, the cranky owner of the diner, are all likable, but there’s so much that’s screwed up in each of their lives, from affairs to unwanted babies to broken down bodies. I went through the entire film dreading the next moment, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Waitress sits in your chest as an ache. It’s a tearjerker without being cloying or contrived, and I couldn’t help thinking while watching about Shelly’s untimely death. My only complaint is the neatness of the ending; it’s meant to be empowering for women, but it’s a little too transparent for my tastes. I like to feel empowered while watching a film without metaphorical flashing neon lights.

The Discriminating Fangirl’s Grade: B+

I have a confession to make. I adore The Mummy. I think it’s funny and entertaining, awesomely tongue-in-cheek. Rachel Weisz and John Hannah make the movie, and Brendan Fraser… well, he’s pretty and funny and is good at looking confused. Rachel’s character, Evelyn Carnahan, is one of my favorite movie characters of all time; she’s brilliant, spunky-without-being-obnoxious, and is gloriously absentminded. In other words, Evie is basically me in celluloid form.

So, I was excited when I heard about the second film. I thought it had the potential to start another franchise along the lines of Indiana Jones (though nowhere near as perfect, Indiana Jones and the Golden Walker 4 notwithstanding), a great little line of archaeology comedies. That makes my little geek heart happy.

And then The Mummy Returns came out. And I began pretending that it doesn’t exist. It’s actually kind of painful to have to mention it here, but I’ll persevere. That Scorpion thingie… we shall never speak of it.

So I’m sure you can imagine my horror when I heard they were making a fourth movie in the franchise, though they’re calling it the third film in the series. Let’s just call it The Mummy’s Trainwreck. First off, they’re again jumping far into the future, like the second film. Second, they’re bringing back Rick and Evie’s bastard of a son, What’s His Name. Only this time, he’s going to be a grown up, and they’re all going to China to battle Jet Li, the Evil Chinese Mummy, and Michelle Yeoh, the Evil Chinese Wizard.

Really, there’s not enough facepalm in the world for this. What the fuck.

But there’s one bright spot in all of this. My beloved Rachel Weisz has gotten the hell out of Dodge. Apparently she found the prospect of more whining from that little craphead kid (in adult form!) as horrifying as I do. Or maybe she was just afraid of having to fight like Egyptian ninja again.